My personal experiences so far being gay
“I’m gay”. I just realized this when I was 15, even though I felt attraction for men before that time. I was very lucky to have my best friends as gay too – we came out to each other more or less at the same time. “I’m gay”, one of them told me. “That’s ok, because I’m gay too”, I answered. And I also came out to my close straight friends, being accepted by some of them. Since a few years ago in Brazil there’s been a huge discussion about LGBT rights and I think this was decisive to make them understand my point of view and accept me.
A little late, but I just came out to my parents last year (2015), taking advantadge of the fact that same-sex marriage became legalized in United States and everybody was talking about it in Facebook and TV. Mom totally supported me and said she wished me to be happy the way I am. Dad supported me as well.
However, I had already suffered prejudice during high school being called by offensive words like “faggot” and being treated differently sometimes.
When I first came to Japan last year, I didn’t come out to anyone. For example, I’d pretend to be straight when people asked me about the type of girls I like, because I didn’t understand how it would be people’s reaction in Japan if I said something like “Well, actually, I’m gay”. But then I realized that doing this, I was living a lie, not who I truly was. I was living the way people expected me to live, not the way I would feel comfortable with. When I realized this, I decided to change and to be honest, which means I’ll tell anybody that I’m gay if they ask me or if necessary in any situation (when people ask me about girls, for example).
I wish LGBT people’s voices could be heard by everybody. I know that, as my friends, there must be many potential straight LGBT-allies right there, they just need to hear and understand about us.
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僕がゲイでの経験
「俺はゲイだ」って１５歳の頃に気がついた。二人の親友がゲイで、すごいラッキーだった。僕たちはだいたい共にカミングアウトした。「僕はゲイだ。いいの?」って聞いて「もちろんいいよ。僕もゲイだからよ 笑」って僕は返事した。何人かの異性愛者の友達にもカミングアウトして、大丈夫な反応もあったが、「きもい」とか「変だ」っていう反応もあって「おかま」って言われたことあった。あの時よくテレビとかFacebookでブラジルのLGBTの権利について記事が出て討論をたくさんして友達を入れて多くの異性愛者の方がLGBTの人たちを支援し始めた。
遅いけど、家族にカミングアウトしたのは去年だった。アメリカで同性結婚が可能になったことの好機に乗じてカミングアウトの話を話した。母も父もやさしく支持してくれた。母は「エキトーが幸せになってほしいから」って言って僕は安心した。
日本へ来る前に、日本でカミングアウトすればみなはどんな反応するのだろうって思って悩んで「ゲイだ」って言わないのを決めた。でも、いつも「好きな女性のタイプ」とか「どんな妻欲しい?」などの話を話して異性愛者のふりをするのは僕の人生じゃなくて誰かの人生を生きているって感じてつらいことだった。気にしないようにしてみたけどやっぱり無理だった。これが気がついた時から「彼女いますか」などの質問を聞いたら正直に「あのうね、実はゲイだけど。でも、彼氏いません」って答えるのを決めた。
LGBTの味方がいるはずだけど、他の人はLGBTについて何も知らなかったら何も変わらない。僕の友達もこのような感じだったから。だからLGBTの方の思いが広く行き渡ったらいいなと思う。
