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[#3] Until You Can Feel “Happy,” There’s No Need to Come Out

#3 “Sexuality” as a Taboo

Q. What is your ideal vision for sexual minorities, including the LGBT community?

Bourbonne
Well, an era in which women can participate in government is better than an era in which they can’t, and a world without segregation is better than one with segregation. But it’s difficult to clearly identify an end goal, and if we set our sights on a utopia, without considering people’s more barbaric qualities, something will go wrong somewhere. Even Scandinavian countries, which feature robust welfare systems and are characterized as ideal forms of liberal societies, are experiencing rises in extreme, right-wing political parties.

Bipolarzation seems to be accelerating. I utilize both masculine and feminine attributes, and, as a gay man, I understand the circumstances surrounding the media, and I share the feelings of my community. In a way, the situation is similar to that of a bat. Bats are disliked, but we should take full advantage of their role. So, rather than demanding the “ideal,” it’s important to find an appropriate balance for as many people as possible. If we don’t, people will cling to one side and trend towards extremism, which is frightening, don’t you think?

Q. Finding a flexible balance is more important than “idealism.”

Bourbonne
Rather than adhering to a strict definition of what’s “ideal,” it’s important to teach others how to get there, while holding on to a certain degree of idealism. The route to the ideal isn’t a straight line.

If you look at a map, the shortest route to your destination isn’t a straight line. If there’s a boulder in your way, you need to consider taking a detour. If you don’t, you’ll never arrive at your ideal destination.

Q. So you’re saying that by reconciling with problems in our current moment, we can get closer to our ideal society. Moriyama, in your work, you’ve commented that a moral stance, in which no one discriminates and everyone acknowledges that everything is permitted, is insufficient.

Caption: An Introduction to Queer Studies: Understanding the LGBT Community (unofficial English title; published by Chikuma Shinsho)

Moriyama
If we apply the notion of “everything is permitted” to a map, it would amount to giving someone a map and telling them, “With this you can go anywhere. Do whatever you like.” It’s very impolite and insensitive.

My job is to point out that “although the map shows this, there’s actually this topography” and “it’s hard to pass through here, so you should go there instead.” If we do this, it makes it easier for everyone to walk.

So, what merits are there for all people in thinking about sexual minorities, and how can it positively affect people’s lives?

Bourbonne
In our discussion today, the term “LGBT” has appeared a number of times, but in recent years, the term “SOGI” (Sexual Orientation Gender Identity) has also gained traction. At first, I thought, “oh look, another acronym with four letters…” [laughs]

Q. LGBT is used to categorize sexual minorities, while SOGI encompasses all sexual orientations and gender identities. This framing removes the dichotomy between men and women and makes it easier to think about sexual orientation — “I’m attracted to men,” for example — and gender identity — “I’m a man.”

Bourbonne
With “LGBT,” straight people often feel like they are talking about a group of people who belong to a different species. It’s like they’re looking at a book of different animals and saying, “Oh, wow, these kinds of animals exist.”

But SOGI applies to everyone. It applies to me, who’s attracted to men, hairy men in particular. Everyone has an SOGI, and everyone has their own troubles.

If we think of things in this way, we can free ourselves from the notions that “women should be this way,” or “men should be this way.” Furthermore, even if we stray away from these preconceived notions, it won’t be necessary for us to reject our identities. If we do a better job of affirming ourselves, we may become more tolerant of others. It will also effectively reduce discrimination towards sexual minorities.

Q. What are your thoughts, Moriyama? How do you think people can benefit from thinking about the LGBT community?

Moriyama
Hmm. Well, if someone who isn’t LGBT were to tell me that thinking about LGBT issues enriched their life, I would probably push back a bit.

Q. This seems like an important observation coming from a member of the LGBT community.

Moriyama
The purpose of the LGBT community isn’t to enrich the lives of the majority. On the other hand, if you approach the community as something that’s unrelated to your life, and simply believe you should think about people who are LGBT because it’s the right thing to do, this reinforces the notion that LGBT people are akin to a different species in an animal picture book. The point of thinking about LGBT issues is, and should be, to think about sexuality and how it relates to yourself and others. It is superficial to think in a way that categorizes these issues into two categories — “what affects me” and “what affects others.”

After all, this applies to communication in general, not just sexuality. Communication is based on the consideration of how you think the other party wants to be treated and how you want to behave when you’re with them. It’s through this interaction that one can enrich their life.

Why is it that people generally communicate in this way, but when it comes to talking about sexuality, it suddenly becomes a matter of what affects me and what affects others?

Q. That bias likely exists because sexuality is somewhat of a taboo.

Bourbonne
That’s probably the biggest factor. It’s likely the notion that we shouldn’t share thoughts on sexuality that’s given form to biases towards the LGBT community and women, as well as presumptions regarding masculinity.

If a wife is pursuing an ambitious professional career, shouldn’t the husband be able to choose the option of homemaker? But this is difficult to do because of the preconceived notion that it’s shameful for men to be homemakers. As a result, if you stray from this preconceived notion, you end up thinking you’re not a “real” man.

Sexuality encompasses greater freedom and diversity. There are various possibilities in the realm of sexuality. Therefore, there’s no reason to reject yourself if you stray from some preconceived notion. I hope everyone, not just the LGBT community, can think about the entire spectrum of sexuality in a more positive way. I believe thinking about LGBT and SOGI is an important skill and can improve interpersonal relationships and creativity in the workplace.

Moriyama
I also want to communicate to others the positive nature of acknowledging that there are various ways of living, and that that’s a good thing. With that said, depending on the individual, it may be difficult to apply this way of thinking to yourself and use it to help you accept yourself. It’s difficult to accept yourself, but it’s easier to accept others, so for this reason, I want everyone to strive to accept others. That’s something I’ve been actively promoting.

Bourbonne
I’ve also been working on that recently. I try to praise others as much as possible. I think people will be more likely to accept themselves if others tell them they’re good people. I wouldn’t consider myself an upstanding individual, but I love myself, including my less praiseworthy attributes.

Moriyama
Hahaha.

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